It has been a long, dark, and relentless struggle, but the War of Bindings is officially over. What, you hadn’t heard? You don’t know what the War of Bindings is? You didn’t even hear about it? You’re wondering why I keep asking questions for you? Let me explain, then. You may have noticed that the TDTE webpage has been… how shall I put this? …dead for a few months. No new posts since January. Well, there is a reason. Our TDTE headquarters (the location of which is so secret I can’t even tell you) was attacked. Yes, attacked I say! Apparantly, even thoug I try to keep the location secret, I must have accidentally told someone in a subconscious murmur from beneath an ignorant stupor brought on from eating too many krispy-kreme doughnuts (yes, they are dangerous, but boy are they worth the risk!). Anyway, our little HQ was besieged by an army of Lopkianflipperdodabberoolians, from the Kingdom of Lopkianflipperdodabberoolia on the continenent of Lopkianflipperdodabberool on the planet of Kruz. For three full days and seven full nights (don’t ask me how we managed that, the sun messed up I shouldn’t wonder), battle raged around our HQ, covering the island. It rained, it thundered, it snowed, it hailed, it lightninged, it hurricaned, and there was even a short drought as nature was disrupted by our continuos fighting. The Lopkianflipperdodabberoolians were vicious, but the TDTE Ducters were valiant beyond measure, and besides that they really wanted to win. You see, the Lopkianflipperdodabberoolians wanted to destroy all Duct Tape and instead impose a reign of Tape Terror across the world with plummer’s tape, but we opposed them ferociously. Many a Ducter Died, and many more simply ran away screaming like little girls and went insane, but in the end we were the victors! Sure, the Lopkianflipperdodabberoolians insisted that they were winning, but just because they burned our HQ to the ground, sank our island, blew up all our satelites, scared away a lot of our less-brave-ducters and forced me to sing Mary Had a Little Lamb in a country accent does not mean they won. The Lopkianflipperdodabberoolians had one weakness, and I exploited it to the fullest; their allergic to Ice Cream.
Anyway, over the past few months we’ve been rebuilding, and shipping all the sneezing Lopkianflipperdodabberoolians back to the planet of Kruz. We are now back to normal capacity, although we’re missing a few Ducters… but who would want such cry-babies anyway, right? Right.
A Stained-glass Mural of the War of Bindings, located in the Hall of Ductvalor
