*Funky Theme Song Plays* And now it’s time for your favorite News Broadcasting Show: Forget the Erroneous, with X. Y. Zelonios. Let’s go straight to your host! *Funky Theme Song Fades Out*
Xavier Y. Zelonios here, reporting live from downtown Bferihse with a breaking story. Here in Bferihse, the capitol city of Träliá, a terrible blight has raised it’s scaly green head. Or rather, make that a slimy blue head. I’m standing here now, watching in disbelief, as the poor Trälián cyborgs of Bferihse run in from monsters of untold freakishness.
Not to worry friends, I’ve been told by the highest authorities that this is not yet considered to be a Red Alert Status concern… but it is most definitely an Orange Alert at least. Possibly a Yellow, or maybe somewhere in the low Greens, like an Aquamarine or something. We haven’t had a surefire consensus on that yet.
So here’s the story, friends, I’ll feed it to you straight. It seems a team of several dozen slimy, yellow-feathered, three-toed, opera-singing amphibians, averaging the size of large minivans, have taken the city by storm. Initial reports seemed to confirm the suspicion that these creatures are mutated life-forms cultivated by some mad scientist in an intensely specific experiment to create an army capable of taking over the world. However, upon further investigation (including interviewing one or two monsters while they romped, tromped, and wreaked general havoc in the city’s streets), we’ve learned that they are actually mutated fungus that once grew in a can of Re-fried Beans left to ruminate by Howard Brenslic. Howie himself has refused to comment.
Mister Minster McManster, the Monster Master from Munster, has just arrived on the scene, with his faithful cohort Yurie Dedmeat. I have him here for an exclusive TDTE interview:
Xavier Y. Zelonios: It’s good to have you here, sir.
Minster McManster: It’s good ta be here meself, thank ye.
XYZ: How many monsters have you encountered in your Monster Mastering occupation?
MM: Oh, I don’t like ta be callin’ them monsters. I call them Nerfs, meself. Stands fer “Nonexistant Erroneous Randomeous “, ya see. I’ve seen quite a few, too many ta count, really.
XYZ: What is your initial impression of these creatures we see here today?
MM: Well, they be very fat, fer one thing. They could benefit from a diet, says I. I’ve taken ta callin’ them Flobsters meself.
XYZ: Flobsters, eh? There you have it folks, remember where you heard it first.
MM: Where?
XYZ: Here, of course.
MM: Oh, yes, right. I forgot fer a moment.
XYZ: So, Mr. McManster, what’s your plan for dealing with these Flobsters?
MM: First of all, that maniac Silverado Stuckings has got ta be kept as far away from these sensitive creatures as possible, says I. He’s a fluff-floated nilly-noggin who can’t tell a Triple-Eyed Kneeknocker from a Greenie-Fried Fleadocker if they both were ta walk up and slap the Manunkers out of his forehead.
XYZ: I see…
MM: Farthermore, any person who thinks we should hurt these poor Flobsters is out of his clip-clop McGillaflop mind.
XYZ: Then what do you suggest? Containment?
MM: Let them roam free! *withdraws bagpipes from some unforseen location and begins playing the “Born Free” theme*
Flobster: MMMMM! Me no likey non-opera music! Me DESTROY non-opera music!
Yurie meat: AAAAH! Mr. McManster, help me! Dis creature is goink to kill me!
XYZ: Um, sir, your assistant is being shaken violently by that Flobster…
MM: No problem, the lad be used ta such abuse. Don’t interrupt me ballad! *Resumes Playing Tune*
So friends, keep an eye on the news, and watch out for these Flobsters! And never leave a can of re-fried beans in the back of your fridge for more than seven years.
Forget the Erroneous, with X. Y. Zelonios.
