Folks, a joyous ceremony was conducted the night before last night in TDTE headquarters. The banquet hall was filled to the brim with TDTErs, friends of TDTErs, friends of friends of TDTErs, and the guys we called to fix the fridge who decided to stay for the party. What was the occasion, you ask? Oh, it was glorious.
Brethren and Sistren (if there are any sistren), September 8th 2009 will go down in Duct Tape History. It will go down in TDTE History. And it will go down in Howard Brenslic’s scrapbook’s history. It was the night that we all gathered in the Great Amazing Silvery Duct Tape Covered Hall to present Howard Brenslic with the prestigious “Ductaptial Medal of Umparallelled (sic) Bravery”, attatched to which was a beautiful polyester ribbon which read, “For Ingenious Usage of Foodstuffs in Wartime Measures.” The medal itself was crafted by TDTE, but the ribbon was a gift from an association called Fatties Against Magnitudal Inequality and Non Edibility, or FAMINE, as they are known.
So folks, here’s the story of how Howie, of all people, won this prestigious award. Our very own Howard Brenslic, that man who we always knew was made of the stuff of heroes but never had a chance to find out for sure, felt hungry. In an attempt to satisfy his insatiable case of Tummy Rumblies, Howie searched his fridge. Aside from a bag of moldy bread and a can of decade-old refried beans which had come to support an entire ecosystem of undocumented lifeforms, he found nothing. So then he searched his freezer, where he found left over Spaghetti from the TDTE Quarterannual Italian Banquet the night before. Smacking his lips with pure joy, Howie zapped the stuff in the micro, through it on a duct tape plate, and walked out the door to enjoy his hard-earned meal in the solitude of the early morning outdoors.
He soon realized, however, that the scene he stepped into was not the usual one for the quiet neighborhood street outside his home. It was, in fact, the scene of an egregious, elephantine, efferdental and just about every big e-word you can imagine Alien Battle! The Plutonians had arrived, and they were not happy. No, they weren’t.
They were downright mad.
Howie realized his end was near; but in a moment of bravery, skill, and perhaps a little ignorant stupidity, he grabbed a huge forkful of spaghetti and ate it nervously. The Plutonians watched in silence.
And then they screamed. “It’s a PLUTONIAN EATER!” They yelled, thinking the spaghetti on Howie’s plate was really one of their lost comrades. Soon they cleared the area; initial reports say an entire troop of Plutonians fled back to their home planet that night, too fearful to continue the campaign. Granted, the rest of the army soon learned that Howie wasn’t actually eating Plutonians, so there’s still a huge threat to our humble planet, but, hey, it’s a start.
