RED ALERT! RED ALERT! RED ALERT!
All TDTErs, brave Ducters, and people otherwise interested, a new threat has presented itself to our humble and yet awesomely cool organization. No longer is the Dramatic Chipmunk and his cohorts our only nemesis (though we do still get together with him on Fridays for battle and arguing and a quick game of chess), for a new evil has arrived. The evil I speak of is….
Aliens.
But not Martians, as Hollywood has long assumed the first extraterrestrial visitors would be. No, this is no Martian Invasion; it is the Plutonians!
Apparantly, the evil Plutonians aren’t happy that their home world has recently been downgraded from Planet to Dwarf Planet; they’ve come seeking revenge. However, the International Astronomical Union has gone into denial and refuses to believe the Plutonians are here; even worse, NASA and the military forces of the world are also ignoring the threat, because the IAU said, quote: “I won’t be your best friend if you do!” Yes, it is a sad day.
A Plutonian in our testing labs. Conclusion: They go well with Marinara and a little garlic.
So the challenge comes to us, TDTE, to face these Plutonians and save our beloved Planet Earth. Already we have engaged in battle with them, and after capturing and studying one of these creatures, we have made many astounding discoveries. Firstly, because of the low gravity of their homeworld, these creatures are extremely weak and flimsy, even noodle-like, in their natural form. Also, they can’t breathe our atmosphere, and they can’t withstand the heat of our world. But these clever Spaghetti People have found a way to overcome these problem; they have created a biometric fluid, remarkably similar to tomato sauce, which keeps them alive inside of glass containment units. These units have also been outfitted with all manners of weapons, propulsion units, and titanium-alloyed armor. The picture below is what one of these suits looks like:
Evil incarnate couldn’t look worse. Indeed, they are frightening, but we will stand firm! We will not waver in the face of these attackers! WE WILL LIVE ON! AFTER A CENTURY OF BATTLES, WE ARE STILL HERE! (Oh, wait, that’s the Matrix Reloaded line… nevermind.) The Plutonians are here, and their invasion has begun all across the planet. Just last night
THE SPAGHETTI PEOPLE!!!
we recieved a picture of an early Invasion Force coming down a main street in a little town called Nowheres, USA. Granted, the flash makes this picture hard to view, but if you look at the top right hand corner you can see the silhouette of a Plutonian Spaghetti-grade Deathdozer smashing through a house; at the center bottom you can see the tip of an alien probe antenna; and on the far left you can see Walter Matthau rising from his grave and preforming a country version of “Hello Dolly” on a bass guitar.
Well folks, you heard it here first. The Plutonians have finally become fed up, and their here to teach us a lesson. We deserve a rebuke, perhaps, but we will not let them destroy our planet! We will fight to the bitter end! For that matter, we will fight to the sweet beginning! We will fight to the salty center, and to the savory mid-term exam, and we will NOT GIVE IN until we reach that umami victory!
