Well my friends and enemies and people I don’t even know, this is it. Yes, you heard me right, this is it! The time has finally come. Your waiting is over. For that matter, our waiting is over. Gee, everyone’s waiting is over; the people waiting for the bus down the street, the members of the Impatience League, and even you readers who are waiting for me to get to the point.
All of us can stop waiting, because *IT* has finally arrived. Half of you know what I’m talking about; half of you don’t; and another half of you aren’t even reading this blog today. For that matter, that same last half (the third half) have never read this blog before, mostly because they’ve never Googled anything that would lead them here but partly because they don’t like boysenberry jam on their pancakes or their waffles. There is also a possibility that they don’t have a computer, because they live in a fifth-world country like Träliá: but that wouldn’t make sense because most Träliáns are actually cyborgs who can link to the internet without using a computer. Then again it has been proven that Trälián Cyborgs can’t connect to the internet when their nose is stuffed up, so perhaps that third half is made up of Trälián Cyborgs suffering from bad colds.
Anyway, back onto subject. You’re probably wondering what the subject is by now. You’re probably about ready to kill me for making you read all this without actually telling you the point of the whole thing. Well, keep those thoughts of to yourself, because you could be arrested for that. So unless you want to be arrested and thereby NEVER find out what I’m talking about, I suggest you stop thinking about me.
So, without further ado, the thing we’ve all been waiting for that is finally here is… the fourth of July! Yeah! Independence Day! We’ve been waiting all year, and now it’s finally here!!! YAY! Wait, what’s that? It’s August? My calender is behind? Oh, my bad. So sorry. In that case, disregard this post. Well, I suppose I ought to say something worthwhile, now that I’ve wasted your time… Don’t forget to donate a Kleenex to the Save a Sickly Cyborg from Träliá fund!* They need your help. It’s the least we can do.
*Only 15% of all Kleenexes received will actually go toward Sickly Cyborgs from Träliá, while 63% will be used to pay for the transportation of said 15%, 10.3% will be used to bribe the Trälián Border Patrol to let us in, 7% will be used to keep our volunteers from spreading more germs and the final 4.97% will be embroidered and given to our volunteers as a souvenir. We reserve the right to send back any Kleenex we deem unsuitable for donation; we will not accept used Kleenexes unless they have been thoroughly dried and ironed.
